Date : Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Time : 9:55 PM

Title :

Ant and I are clopping along the corridors, surrounded by people. We're carrying armfuls of streamers and balloons, and plastic boxes full of sausage rolls, jelly and other goodies.

Hospital are always quiet. Hush, people are ill, don't make any noise. But today is different. Today Michele is thirteen years old. She's going out with a bang.

The doctors didn't terribly approve. A party in a hospital? Loud music? Friends, dancing? Well....there are other people in here, you know. Sick people...

But it makes me feel better. We've got used to the idea that she's gone, now we just want to celebrate her life. Happy Birthday Michele! Goodbye, darling. Look, Simon is here, and Nana and Granddad and Jill and Zoe. They didn't let us bring Daisy the cat- animals in the ward were just too much- but everyone else is here. Who knows, if we make enough noise, maybe we'll wake you up.

Open the door. There she is, head pushed back as always. All together now...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELE!



Happy Birtdhay Michele!

It was a good party. They all enjoyed themselves-well, they looked as if they did, anyway. Mum and Dad are sitting on my bed, each holding a hand. There are streamers all over the bed, balloons rolling on the floor. They popped so many that the nurse came in and said we'd give the other patients a heart attack if we made any more noise. There was a cake with candles, there was jelly and sausage rolls. We played the music really loud! Jill and Zoe did a dance around the room and nearly knocked the heart monitor over. Mum and Dad turned out the lights and lit the candles and everyone sang Happy Birthday, and they blew the candles out for Michele. Michele would have enjoyed it. It's a pity she couldn't come.

Yes, I know. I've let you all down. I didn't dance or sing, I didn't even blink. But i did enjoy it. I wish I could say.


" Goodbye, darling. I'm so, so sorry. Goodbye."
" Goodbye, Michele."
" Goodbye."

Yes, goodbye, Mum, goodbye Dad! It was good of you to try for so long. I' m sorry, but the doctor's right, Michele isn't here. It's just this old shell and these old memories. They look the same, but they don't mean anything, really.

But poor Mum, she has to try. One last time. Here she goes again, holding the things up before me. Teddy bear, clothes, Cds. Picture of Michele with her mum and dad. Picture of Michele dancing with Jill and Zoe. Poor Michele. Poor Mum and Dad! Tonight they take the tubes out. It won't hurt , they've told them that. It's the best thing.

-to be continued-

Date : Sunday, February 24, 2008
Time : 9:10 PM

Title :

Date : Thursday, February 21, 2008
Time : 8:56 PM

Title :

-part 3-


Then I was in a house with some people who must have taken me in. One of them asked me if I wanted something to eat, and although I was hungry I was too shy to accept, so I said no. Then, my mum came to fetch me, and I was so happy, so happy to see her. I ran to her when she came into the room and flung my arms around her, and I can remember smiling and smiling and smiling at her....endlessly smiling. I was so happy....and all the people in the room at the table were smiling at me, because I was so....happy to have my mum back.

Then I realized what all this is about. Once upon a time, you see, I was a person too. I was a girl called Michele. I had a mother. The woman with the black hair- you see? A father - the small man she calls Ant who smells of cigarettes who comes in with her sometimes. And who knows? Brothers...sisters and friends.

It was long ago. Then something happened. The woman, the mother, thinks that I'm still Michele. Poor woman! I wish I could tell her that Michele is gone. Once I was, but then something happened and I got turned into this instead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I don't believe she's in any pain," says Dr Morris patiently.

I nod, but I can't get it out of my mind. What if she's lying there in agony, day after day, week after week, month after month? And she can't say a word.

"The real question is not if she's in any pain, but whether or not she's ever going to wake up. It's been eight months now," says Dr Morris. " Physically she's perfectly healthy, but we have no evidence of any personality at all."

My Michele...she's perfectly healthy but she has no personality. And now the hospital has had enough. There are so many patients and not enough staff, not enough beds, not enough doctors. Of course, she has a right to life, but there is an alternative. We can simply withdraw support. No drugs to kill her, but no medicines to fight off infection, and no food and drink to sustain her. She would be heavily sedated, there would be no discomfort-assuming she is capable of discomfort, which one of us believe any more anyway. She would pass quietly away without any fuss or distress within a week.

Ant squeezes my hand. We've talked about this before. We knew it was coming. Probably it's the right thing to do.

Probably is a big word.

Ant clears his throat. The doctor looks up.

" What are the chances that she might come around after so long?" he wants to know.

" Very small." The doctor shakes his head.." Brain activity is very low. I would be most suprised if there was ever any improvement. In our opinion...."

" In your opinion, she should die." My voice jars in the little consultation office. Doctor Morris purses his lips.

"In my opinion, Michele is already dead, Mrs Sams. At this stage, we're just making a recommendation. The decision is yours. I understand how painful this must be."

Ant nods. " While there's life, there's hope," he says.

The doctor bows his head. " In this case very little hope, I'm afraid."

" But there is some," I insist.

"Very little," he repeats.

Ant and I nod, like dogs in the back of the car.

We go into her room and watch her. Is that my daughter? Is there anyone here apart from us? While there's life there hope, but hope can be cruel. What about the rest of us? Our son, Simon. Poor child, he's had little enough of my attention this past year. The stain is crushing us. Michele silently ruining our lives. The coma goes on and on and on. She is not my daughter anymore. She is, to put it bluntly, a vegetable.

I sit on the bed and hold up her things. Her little tank top. Do you remember, Michele? Nana bought you this...you wore it until it got so tight it look so ridiculous and I had to hide it from you. Do you remember this Michele? Michele? Michele? Please wake up darling....

" Michele, wake up, Michele wake up! You have to wake up please, darling, it's getting very late. Michele!!!"

Ant takes my arm. I'm shouting.

" She can't hear you, Julie."

I stand up. I take a breath.

" We can't be sure."

" We can never be sure. But."

" Give her another week. One week."

He smiles. " A bit longer than that, perhaps. There's no hurry."

" We've waited this long."

" It's her birthday next month. Let's wait for that."

-to be continued-

Date : Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Time : 10:26 PM

Title :

* RINNNG RINNGG*

" Hello?"


Mammi: " Ahh...girl girl...you've got an angpau from someone...What are you doing now? "

Me: "Er..... computer."heh heh.

Mammi : " heh. heh....anyway, your aunt wants to speak to you"

Me: " ok."

Aunt : " ahh..remember to clean the hairs on the floor ah.... "

Me : " okk"

Aunt : " ok bye"


==!!! swt lar. purposely waste the phone bill to call me...come back home oso can tell de ma..swt.....real swt. =.=


LOOOLL...see...i'm crapping again..and again..


k guys. gotta go sleep..


- hope you'll enjoy your nightmare-

Date :
Time : 10:08 PM

Title :

hahahahaa.


for soo long......i just realized something...in the lyrics.

nicole scherzinger-baby love

La la la la
Yeah
We so in love
La la la la la
And I just can't get enough
Of your Lalalala

o.o...? confused.... I just can't get enough OF YOUR LALALALALA~~


oooo...I think i know what it means...


It means....



I just can't get enough of your lala-ness


swt. -- jkjk~


- just spamming around-

Date :
Time : 9:54 PM

Title :

haiz..


speechless.


why do all good things come to an end...

come to an end~~


lol. if you know this song...



haiz.....don't know what to say jor...


I hope..this year.....


will not be the last year i'm spending time with melz..


lolz...our conversation..


Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
.....
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
....
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
...
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
.....
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
....
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
....
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
any comments?
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
I'M GONNA CRY!!!!!!
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
swt
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
don't!
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
hahah.
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
i'm already crying XD
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
don't!
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
actually
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
i am too..
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
wheee!!
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
lets cry together!!
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
swt..
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
we are making it sound like crying is the best thing in the world..
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
haiz...
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
haiz...
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
haiz..
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
speechless..
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
nvm..
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
haiz...
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
haiz..
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
....
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
you know what ah
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
our whole conversation is going to be haiz and nvm and ...
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
haiz =.=
[*-M3lz-*] [*_MeL!s$@ L!z $@mUeL_*] says:
see!
Kerrie__@93 {LightSpringZzz} - says:
haha


swt larh. haiz........see! i haiz-ed again.


BLARHHH! ignore this post bah...just spamming around only =x

Date : Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Time : 4:49 PM

Title :

haiz....



.....


.....



don't know wat to say la..


memories flashed back~ ==



yeah i know what you're thinking.


don even understand what im writing isn't it?


XD!! ignore this post

Date :
Time : 4:34 PM

Title :

* Riingg rrinnnngs*

* picked up the phone*

" Hello?"

" May Foong!! "

".......................huh?"

" Shun jor you forgotten me!!"

"......................er...who are you?"


" Yong Shan ah!!"


" * WTH* AHHHHH!!!! Your voice changed so much!!!"

swt....yesterday yong shan phoned me... wahhh...T__T I can't recognize her voice jor...changed so much...x(

You sound so much matured jor ah!! T__T

Date : Sunday, February 17, 2008
Time : 9:38 PM

Title :

haiz..

These few days I didn't get a goodnight sleep, especially this during this season. CNY.
There's another thing I hate.


o.o?


...


felt like you've read this post before?


deja vu? lame.


haiz...now the firecrackers are long gone...

NOW... THIS.






T.T!!! haiz...spray the minyak pun tak boleh... anyones knows how to * menghapuskan* these mosquitoes...

haiz...i want a peaceful, comfortable and a deep sleep.. T__T

lame eh.

Date :
Time : 8:58 PM

Title :

-continued from part 1-

The hospital is warm and nice...I trot briskly down the corridor. I've been coming here for so long now it doesn't feel strange anymore. It's like a second home.
Sister Charlie is on duty. " Any change today?" I asked.
" Just the same."
She leads the way briskly to the room where Michele lies, opens the door and walks cheerfully up to the bed.
" Good colour today. Rosy cheeks! Nice and healthy," she says.
It's true. Her cheeks are a bright, pretty red, as if she's been out for a walk.
"Well, I'll leave you to it. Cup of tea? Yes? I'll get one sent in. Good luck. Goodbye, Michele," says Sister Charlie.

She always says goodbye to Michele like that. It's good manners. For a long time the doctors told us it was possible that Michele could hear every word. I don't think anyone believes that any more- not even me . But we have to be careful, just in case.

I put the Spice Girls on the CD player. I'm teasing, really. Michele always loved to be teased, it used to make her shriek. If she were here now she'd shriek like a kettle and say, " No mum, not them, they're for babies, I never listen to them any more, you know that!"

Yes, but you used to, Michele. Do you remember? You used to know every song backwards. You and Jack and Jill used to do the dance routines. It was only three years ago, and already you think you were a baby then.
I hold up the CD cover.
" Remember?" I ask her.
Michele lies with her head pushed a little back into the pillow, her eyes half open,her mouth ajar like a door. Tubes go into her mouth and up her nose. She never even flinches.

" Remember??" I ask again. I hold her hand. " Give a little squeeze if you can hear me," I say. I wait. Maybe it'll take a long time for the muscles to move. She has to find them again. The doctors have said that if she ever comes back to us, it will start in a tiny way, so little you might almost not notice it. So I wait. I close my eyes. I try to feel the slightest, tiny pressure on my fingers, but there's never any response.

" Remember?" I beg. " Please....Michele. Can you hear me?" Nothing. I bend and kiss her.
I would give everything I have for her to kiss me back.
I sit waiting for my tea, stroking her face,her arm, her hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Something happened today. I had a memory. I never had one of those before.
It began with the woman, the sad one who comes in everyday to stare at her reflection in my eyes.
" Michele, Michele, can you hear me? Michele, Michele....."
What do you want? Why can't you leave me alone? I don't know who this Michele is- why does she keep calling me by her name? Perhaps she's teasing me. If I could, I'd block her out altogether. But it's nice to feel her warm breath on my face. She touches me with her cold hand. Sometimes she remembers to warm her hands on her breath before she touches mu cheek. Then one time, she put her head close to mine so our cheeks were touching, and she lay like that, gently against me, for so long that I think I feel asleep, and that's when I had my memory.

This is my memory...I was lost. I can't remember how I got lost, I think I'd just wandered too far. I remember tall houses...I remember the road, which was dark and speckled with little white and brown stones, and I had no idea how to get home.............

-to be continued-

Date : Saturday, February 16, 2008
Time : 10:26 PM

Title :

AHHHHHhhh CJ7 the alien~ VERY CUTE AHHHHHHH





WHEEEEEE~!!! xPP

Date :
Time : 8:57 PM

Title :

haiz..

These few days I didn't get a goodnight sleep, especially during this season. CNY.
There's only one thing I hate.



Fire Crackers. CHOI!! ( how can I hate this??!) firecrackers brings good luck, prosperity and scares off devil . ( i think?)


==...because of tat I can't sleep...have to roll there roll here on the bed till 12++ sometimes...i kena shocked to death because of tat == ( i'm still alive don worry) not becoz of firecrackers la...it's something else...they use.. some sort of.. * bomb* I called it bomb la because it did sounded like a bomb. * BOOM* you won't know when they will * release* it again..then suddenly *BOOMMMM* waahhh ..sei dak yan doh loh...jkjk


blehh ~ that's all for today! x)

Date :
Time : 2:59 PM

Title :

Date : Saturday, February 9, 2008
Time : 9:19 PM

Title :

happie chinese new year!!!!

wheeee~!!!! so many ang paussssss todaayyy~~ hahaha
1st day of new year~~

relatives....cousins...came to my house and celebrate!! Had * reunion lunch * not dinner sorry. So much to eat...so full x( .. XD quite happie larh~~ haiz..if got camera good eh...can take lots of pictures...

2nd day of new year~~

hmm...went out to eat..ordered lots and lots of food...NICE!! at night go jusco shopping~~ bought some clothes~! wheeee

3rd day of new year ~~

Went to Ian's new year party today, with Evon and Ciao Chi. Ivan, Yu kin, Harvey were there oso.
Ian's house damn chun man T.T.. I guess you've heard of " disneyland house" Where these houses end up with a cone-shaped roof...3 tingkat summore.

Went in there, had some lunch... penang asam laksa..prepared by his mum.. nice!! After that..the boys went up to play PS2 and Counter Strike == ( as usual) we girls played " black jack" with his dad. wheee~! won some money...not bad larh.. XD Then...all his cousins, relatives...came to join the party.. LOLZ. Two of his cousins.. dono how old larh. I guess around 16/17/18.. dono la=.= One of them represented Malaysia to play Counter Strike ..then..yu kin wants to challenge him..aiya..in the end yu kin end up crying~~ ( no la he didnt cry) XD

then...went up stairs, join the boys. sat there and watch them play CS. dam funny larh =.=
Yu Kin VS Ian.. LOOL~

haha...got lots of ang pau too...from his cousins and relatives larh... WHEE~!

aiks...gonna add on lots of weight this time... boo~~ x(

Date : Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Time : 10:33 PM

Title :

eh...yesterday was...monday. ohhhh 4th of feb. okok

haha~ memory getting poor ...

I was shocked....and touched at the same time. I didn't expect it to happen lol


Yesterday... got sivik mar. Right after recess. Miss Wong... she's my sivik teacher. Surprised? no? XD Last year she's my english teacher mah...so...

Then..she gave us some work to do lar, copy this copy that.
Finished already, pass up the work sheet to her lo.

Me : * walking towards teacher's table....passed the work sheet to her...didn't look at her. I was facing down the floor...don't ask me why...walked back to my place and sat down*
Miss Wong : Uhh...May Foong ahh, last year you were in 2 ?
Me : 2 C
Miss Wong : * gave that teacher and motherly look when you failed something or...get bad results* HAH....you were in 2 C and now you're in 3 J !!
Me : Heh.......* smiles*
Miss Wong : Come here!! * angry face*
Me : * scared ...walked towards her table*
Miss Wong : What happened to you?
Me : err..I failed my maths..
Miss Wong : Hah...you failed your maths...how come? last year you were in 2 C you know... it's like from the top of the mountain dropped right down to the bottom.. this J class ah...it's considered * behind class * you know??
Me : ......
Miss Wong : Gayatree...she's from 2 E last year...and she failed her maths, she went to 3 I now. I was shocked when I saw your face in this class when I first came in to teach sivik. If you failed one of your teras subject....you'll be going all the way down.
Me : .......
Miss Wong : How do you feel when you came into this class?
Me : Dissapointed..
Miss Wong : Hah ok...dissapointed..all your friends now studying in 3 C, D, E right?? What do you think about the teachers here? Try to bandingkan this class and last year's ? Any difference?
Me : Yes..
Miss Wong : what? what's the difference?
Me : ......uhh....they don't really explain ......
Miss Wong : nono....you see...it's not the teachers. It's the students. Look at them.. * points at the students* Those bad boys ah...always make noise....they don't tend to listen or study...look at the girls...all ah, all their hairs * keluar sini sana* look at them... they wont make a good student!!
Me : ..........
Miss Wong : But you ...look at yourself...to me I don't think you're stupid. You're not a stupid girl right? You can study what
Me : .................................=.=!!
Miss Wong : SO....you must study on your own...must study hard...if you want to get out from this class and join your friends...study hard. Now is bulan Feb you know, you have to get started and get prepared. PMR is just months away only... HAH...ok ah...if you want to go to 4 Tek also, choose Tek 1, if science, go for science 1. OK??! You must practice on your own and study ah!!
Me : Yes...yea...ok.. * smile*
Miss Wong : ok...so remember ah...study hard ok?
Me : ok..thank you teacher...

SWT LAR!! I didn't expected Miss Wong .....I mean........as far as I know...she always uhhh... look down at those who are in lower levels....bad class...she-even-gave-me-some-advice-and-support....for me...it's hard to believe =.= Haiz... I think........................now only I know....I've made lots of ppl around me dissapointed because... they *over-estimated* me. Now...I cannot fail myself ...and others again...have to * climb all the way up to the top of the mountain again lol*

Pn Yusaslinda also...she gave me advice... Miss Wong... Ian also another one =.= and lots of ppl la.....haiz.

Lastly...I would like to thank miss wong~ and lots of ppl more la...WHEE!!